5 Happy Years and Counting…

We have been married for 5 yrs as of 6/14/2011. Am excited to reach this milestone…not surprised… but excited enough to add to the regular Anniversary celebrations.

Ours was a fairly typical arranged marriage. The kind where parents checked the horoscopes, then we spent hours and days and weeks and months talking to each other, okay-ed each other, the in-laws came to “see” me and “finalize’ our marriage and that was it, then we were married. And if I may say, we didn’t start out in love with each other. I would say we were infatuated with each other. And over these 5 years have fallen in love . Touchwood!




I’d like to make 2 lists, One, our journey in the last 5 years and two, 5 things that Marriage has taught me.

Our journey together so far…

June 2006 – May 2007 : Dealing with adopting a new family to be my own, living away from each other after being married, Moving to a strange city and then a strange country, learning to cook , Learning to manage our home, Not being able to lock myself alone when mad with the other half, Getting used to being called a ‘wife’ or asked about the ‘husband’, enjoying the freedom to romance and love a man openly, yearning for someone in a way you never imagined, long drives and feeling elated ‘coz I realize that the hubby loves driving as much as the dad does….. Honestly, the 1s year was a very confusing one.
Places we were at : Bangalore, Dindigul (TN), Chennai, Kerala, Mumbai, Hyderabad, Vermont, NYC, Niagara Falls, Pittsburgh, Boston

June 2007 – May 2008 : Appreciating that I have a husband who is willing to move for my job, Enjoying time with each other, Figuring out a routine as a married couple, Trying to manage our work-related travels, Struggling to attain stability, began the ‘yearly’ holiday routine…….This was the year that we were figuring out each other and what makes things better vs worse. There were times we loved each other and at other times when we questioned the marriage.
Places we were at: Maryland, Virginia, DC, NJ, Puerto Rico, Pennsylvania, Toronto, Ontario, Montreal

June 2008 -May 2009 : Managed to start leading the life of a ‘regular’ married couple, Appreciated belonging to each other, started gaining stability in life, Did an awesome road-trip, discovered our love for nature and national parks….A good and fairly uneventful year!
Places we were at: Vermont, San Diego, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, Utah, LA

June 2009 -May 2010 : Had the in-laws visiting for 4 months, learnt that the husband will not behave differently in front of parents, in fact learnt that he will stand up for me if it comes down to that, Started getting a feel of potential life troubles heading our way, handled it very nervously……A rollercoaster year!
Places we were at: Vermont, NYC, NJ, Maine, Boston, Keywest, Miami, Orlando

June 2010 -May 2011 : The potential trouble became an actual heartache , it brought us closer than ever, We became adventurous and greedy about making the best of life, We cared lesser about the world’s opinions, became more health-conscious, Cried and laughed together a lot more often, did a 17-hour road trip and realized we’ll love to try a month-long one, figured we don’t know when we’ll get the answer to our worries, but know for sure that we will get it some day….. An eventful year!
Places we were at: Vermont, SFO, Maine, Smoky Mountains

5 Lessons that Marriage has taught me
1.As clichéd as it sounds, Marriage has taught me all that matters is that eventually we are together. It’s not that worldly worries don’t haunt me or that I welcome it with open arms..but dealing with them seems a lot easier when we have each other. The trait of ‘sense of humor’ mabbe under-rated but definitely not over-rated, it helps you get by a lot of stuff in life. If life gave me another chance, I would embrace it just the way it currently is.

2.Marriage has taught me to be less bull-headed. To be a li’l patient and to change those things about me that at one point -in-time were considered to be personality traits that one could never ever change. It has taught me that compromise is not a bad word and the importance of giving a relationship one’s best at pretty much all times.

3.Marriage has taught me that relationships need to be worked on, on a regular basis, if not day-to-day. It has taught me that each phase of a marriage poses a different type of challenge and that both the parties involved need to figure out the solution. It has taught me that what the world feels doesn’t matter as long as we both agree. It has taught me that fights are not a bad thing.

4.Marriage has taught me to look at LOVE differently. To respect and understand those who cannot say those 3 words . It has made me realize that different people have different ways of showing their love and affection and it’s up to the receiver to interpret and u’stand the way the giver chooses to give it.

5.Marriage has taught me what it is to belong to someone. It has taught me that one can be an independent woman even while the two people in the marriage are responsible for a different set of tasks and therefore dependent on each other. It has taught me to work as a team. It has helped me u’stand how two people become one.

Last Year in my 20s !

Hmm.. so the B’day obsessed girl that I am..I have to write about it… I celebrated yet another ‘Happy’ B’day! Was a nice few days leading up to it and following it.. Made up for the lousy B’day that I had last year.

Jack.. I was so touched, that you remembered. Thank You so much!

On the evening before my B’day 2 of my girl friends coordinated with the husband and had me go over to their place to pick up something. When I went there…they had cooked an awesome dinner for us and baked me a upside down pineapple cake. All yummmieee stuff! They presented me a beautiful dress and cleaning gloves… ya u read right..lol, Mon is alwez complaining about how I don’t use gloves while doing dishes…and now, thanks to her gift, I use them and take care of my hands :)

On my B’day , I wore this really pretty dress. I don’t have any of that kind and it was a last-minute steal. The husband gifted me a cool slide-sling bag. At work, a colleague Heidi, presented me a card, a friendship willow-tree doll, a pair of ear-rings and bught me a cake. I’ve alwez wanted to collect them willow-tree dolls and this is the 1st one..i was so happy. The day at work went by in a daze. I was busy attending meetings and B’day phone calls.

In the evening, another couple-friend brought over a Ben n Jerry’s ice-cream cake. Yummylicious is an understatement. So ya I cut 3 cakes this B’day !

Then V and I went to a play of ‘To kill a mocking Bird’. It was brilliant and dined at a mexican restaurant afterwards.I received gifts from 2 other friends through post. A bag, a top, a card . a scarf and a fancy hair clip. So ya, gifts galore!

On the Saturday following my B’day we went to Albany for the Tulip festival…which was a great day out to ! so ya, all in all had an awesome time.

The following i.e on May 14th, I wrote my PMP certification exam and passed it! so ya, I am a certified Project Management Professional now! woo hoooo !

The Tamil New Year started on a fairly bad note for us. But I hope that was the end of bad times, that good times are awaiting us. I pray that my 29th year is very special and turns out to be a significant one!

Is the Glass half empty or half full?
I feel the World is becoming a better place. Everything about it isn’t perfect and in all honesty will probably never be, but what the hec, I’ve always believed that perfection is an illusion! Therz nothing about it that’s realistic or for that matter inspiring. There is always scope for improvement and that’s what motivates me and keeps me hopeful.

I don’t understand the cynics who smirk at every step we take and say there is no use of that step ‘coz we’ll never quite reach the top of the tower. How does one reach the top without climbing those zillion small steps? I agree…that maybe for every 10 steps we take ahead , there are actions that send us 5 steps down or mabbe 15 steps down, but yet I want to rejoice n celebrate those 10 steps while I mourn n rant about the 15 steps. You don’t quite have the right to whine , if you don’t appreciate…do you? If pessimism is going to aid in development in any manner, tell me ,and I’ll join you but not otherwise.

Anyways..over the last few days…this is what some of us have celebrated while the rest have criticized n been cynical about…

- The World Cup win. What’s not to celebrate in this u ask…some ppl are cookin up a match-fixin story , while others are whining about why other sports aren’t given as much attention while some others are worried about the display of unity in India on just that one evening! What spoil-sports? Do they realize they were not part of that unity for even that one night?
- Anna Hazare’s movement. I was so proud of him. n yet there are ppl scoffing at him and his supporters asking if that’ll change India and make it free of corruption. No it won’t. Its not an overnight movement. No kind of revolution is. It takes time and perseverance. It’s not going to make India better for us…but if we are diligent and don’t give up..I’m sure it will be a better place for our children or mabbe our grandchildren.
- Osama Bin Laden’s death… The unimaginable has been made possible! La la la ! You say , his death doesn’t mean that terrorism has ended? I very well know that ! He played such a significant role n manslaughter and his death will definitely shake up his team-mates., no? Baby steps people…Baby steps! You can’t do nothing and expect a miracle to occur overnight. I donno I mabbe daft , but I believed it, the instant I saw the news flash on my phone. I know people are asking for a death certificate n what not… but me…I’m a believer and a celebrator (is that a word?) !

I want to ask the cynics, pessimists, non-believers to back off and focus their energy in encouraging(if not contributing) those who are trying to make the world a better place. Don’t forget the age-old sayin, ‘Li’l dops of water make an ocean!”

Just Sayin
I have had so many many many posts in my mind..but life has gotten so busy. Find it hard to make the time to write. Today I’m down with fever, cold, cough and so am working from home..and so using the opportunity to write in my space.

Okay..so last year many of you may have suddenly noticed that girls across the globe were updating their status on FB with the name of a color.. ‘Red’. ‘Blue’. ‘off-white’,’black’. I know I did and was a while before I caught on, and like me many of you may have eventually learnt that this was for breast-cancer awareness and girls had to update the color of their bras. Some people criticized it and the rest said it was a ‘Fun’ way to spread awareness. Personally, I was on the fence and couldn’t make up my mind.
This year.. several messages and emails were sent over the last weekend asking girls to update their status with the name of a fruit depending on what their relationship status was, this again to spread awareness about breast cancer. There were not as many updates as the last time. I wonder why? How is this less fun than putting up ur bra color? I donno, I feel like those who updated their status last year, but didn’t this year…were not really concerned about spreading any kind of awareness! So, Not cool , I say !!

The Decade that was…

I didn’t realize that we were beginning a whole new decade until I read a fellow blogger’s post about looking back at the decade. And that’s when it struck me, that it was indeed the beginning of a new decade! In the last decade I’ve evolved from a student to a working professional and taken on the role of a wife, which has taught me so much more about life and myself! I really liked the idea of looking back at the last 10 years..n so here I go….

- At the beginning of the decade I turned 18, a fairly significant age, in my mind.

- For the 1st 17 years of my life, I hadn’t seen much change. I went to the same school and stayed in the same house, with pretty much the same neighbors and friends in school for 14 long years. ( Don’t have much of a recollection of life before I was 4) Life was a routine for the most part n I loved it. Dusshera and summer vacations were in Chennai (ya, u can gasp, we spent summer breaks in Chennai) with maternal grandparents. N then at the beginning of the decade we moved to our new home and I joint college. I feared the change even before it set upon us and made peace with it only ‘coz I didn’t have a choice. Once I adapted to the new home and college, I again got into a mode when I didn’t want anything to change.

- Marriage happened around mid-decade and that’s when I started embracing and even looking forward to changes. Since Marriage I have moved several cities and even across a country. If I had my way, I would move to a new city or mabbe even country every year. I want to explore, experience and learn as much as possible.

- It was the decade in which I met some amazing people who I believe will be friends for life. Of course, there have been several ups n downs with these people but still I yearned for their friendships that were/are meant to be forever in my mind, n things have always got sorted out eventually. And as I moved from city to city I fearlessly made wonderful new friends and learnt to appreciate how much they had to offer to me in terms of love, laughter and lessons.

- I yet have friends from the previous decade and I feel like I will have them for a long time to come.

- I have learnt that at one point though it may seem like life is impossible without a certain person/thing and the want is so strong that our life revolves around it yet eventually we WILL move on. No want is so big that it will destroy us, unless we let it do so. We will get over anyone or anything. Life goes on. Period.

- I have shocked myself with some of the decisions I’ve made and things I’ve done. At one point I would have never approved of these things from anyone forget myself, but after being thru’ it I realize one can never predict what one will or will not do for sure. It depends on the circumstance.

- I used to be a cry-baby. Don’t cry so much anymore.

- I’ve learnt to swim.

- I’ve learnt to drive a car. (Will hopefully learn to ride a 2-wheeler this decade!)

- I’ve gotten drunk twice, bad enough to be puking and have a headache for most of the next day. Both times I realized I HATE how I feel when I’m drunk. It’s “being high” that I liked.

- I’ve learnt that love can be expressed in far better ways than using the three words “I love you”.

- Thru this decade my weight has varied from 36 Kgs to a max of 44 kgs.

- I have vacationed a lot this decade. Seen many places and hope the next decade only gets better in this aspect

- I have suffered and survived things that I would never imagine myself going thru’. I feel like I handled it pretty well. Of course I cried and questioned and all that, but eventually I got back to hoping and believing and giving my best.

- I’ve made an online friend who I’ve still never seen face-to-face. Someone who I can share my deepest secrets with and one who has been a great pillar of support.

- Bangalore is yet very close to my heart and yet the place I will call home, but if I were given a choice in the immediate future, Bangalore is not the place I would want to move to.

- In school I wasn’t very popular among the boys, this decade changed that. Some of my closest friends are guys and I’ve had the chance to say ‘No’ to some proposals!

- I can vouch for the “If you love something let it go, if it returns to you, it’s yours; if not, it never was” saying. I’ve tried and tested it. People I’ve let go after years of desperation for their attention and love have returned to me! n I've gotten over the people who didn't. This experience has resulted in me handling my relationships in an entirely different manner.

- I have always been curious about astrology and other forms of getting a peak into the future. Some experiences from the last decade have made the belief and curiosity stronger

Would love to know what was happening at your end thru’ the last decade...

Edited to add: I was talking to a school friend yesterday and towards the end of a 1 hr long conversation she mentioned how nice it would be to be able to go back to school. I agreed, but only briefly, While I don’t mind reliving my life and going thru’ school life all over again, that was not the best phase of my life. As I thought about it I realized yesterday,today…this phase of my life is what is probably the best. I’m at that place where I’m feeling fairly confident about myself. I know irrespective of what I can do and what I cannot, I am good, I am worth it. I feel like the results don’t matter as long as I give it my best shot! Back in school, I felt like a failure after having scored 76% in class X, that’s what my school could do to you! My PT teacher thought it was funny when she teased me saying “oh Pavi, your growing only horizontally, not vertically.” Li’l did she know how hurt I was. So ya, a new, confident girl has emerged thru the last decade

N so we Begin Another Year…

2010 ended pleasantly with not much drama, not much noise, not much emotions , a sense of satisfaction and positive enrgy unlike the rest of the year. There was also some excitement, good amount of love, some care-freeness and plenty of hope for the following year!

The last 2 weeks of the year we were on a vacation in northern CA ! While on this vacation, we did check off one of the “want-to-visit’ places from our list but technically the vacation was more about meeting n spending time with friends.

Spent quality time with 2 college friends who are now married, another friend who I’ve become so much closer to after moving to the US and is now preggo ! ya ya, I felt the kicks! An ex-colleague who was meeting the hubby for the 1st time. Visited yet another college friend at midnite, no less, while her baby was fast asleep!! N the icing on the cake was bumping into a school friend unexpectedly and of course talking non-stop ! So ya..this trip was all about F.R.I.E.N.D.S !!

What did I think of SF…well it is a fun place, no debating that ! But it didn’t live upto the expectations that everyone had built about it for me! so well….

This year..I feel like writing and so hopefully my blog will see more of me than it did in 2010. I hardly have readers now, but yet I’m motivated to pen, ‘coz I want to be able to look back at what was cooking I n my life at a later point of time.

N on that note…I must get back to work , it’s the 1st working day of the year and I have a very busy day ahead….

So Here is wishing you and your loved ones a Happy, Healthy and Fabulous 2011…one that’s full of laughs, celebrations and excitement!