PAIN….

Late Friday night, early Saturday morning, as I was heading to bed…I checked FB on my phone one more time and saw the millionth post of a parent hugging their child tighter that evening. I locked my phone with a bit of irritation and with the word” seriously?!”  in my head fell tight asleep.

 Saturday morning I woke up with a sudden “OMG! Am I jealous?. Is that why I am reacting that way?!” thought. Honest.

N so, when I learnt about to the CT shooting on Friday afternoon my 1^st reaction was sadness and anger. My delivery manager saw me and asked me if everything was allright… and I told him, it was the shooting that upset me and how mad I was at the guy who had the heart to take away the lives of so many innocent children and ranted about how this is a repeated occurrence in the United States and we have to take some stand on gun control. The evening was fine, with some discussion about it on n off.  

But Saturday was when I got thinking more about the CT shooting. About the parents who would have struggled to sleep that night .About how they would have never thought that that morning was the last time they kissed their baby to school.  About how they must be regretting getting mad at their child for spilt b’fast that Friday morning .  About their beautiful Christmas tree on which they would have hung their child’s favorite ornament, which now would mean nothing.  The Christmas tree probably looks ugly to them now. Brings them sad memories. About the future they had dreamt of for their li’l one.  About the children who have to go back to that school. About the parents who have to be willing to send their children to school. How hard it must be for them to wake up on Saturday morning, of course…only if they got any sleep on Friday night.

Those of you who have read me long enough, probably know that I am a person with theories. I survive life based on my belief in theories like ‘Everything Happens for the best!” and “Everything has a rhyme n reason to it”. Why , even my comeback post was about that. But now, I laugh at my theories. How can anything related to the CT shooting be for the best? I dare not try and tell a parent who has lost a child that it’s for the best. I’ve seen some people holding onto their faith system and belief that God knows what he is doing.  I am jealous of these people… coz, I want to ask God, what the hec this is about?! What on earth was he thinking? How could those innocent lives have deserved that? How can any parent be inflicted with such pain?

N then I think…. Is it better to have or not to have?  Isn’t it tougher to cope with the loss of a child after having one rather than never having a child? Isn’t it tougher to be a mother of a child who takes innocent lives than not be a mother at all?

When the dark knight theatre shooting incident happened, and I saw the culprit, on news, all of 20 yrs I think..I felt sad for him. I wondered what must have happened in his life to make him do this. Surely, it was a psychotic moment. He was a patient, who no one realized needed help.

 And I feel the same about this kid. Someone who desperately needed help and had no clue what he was doing. He killed his mother. The woman, in all probability did her best to shield him from hatred and violence and pain. What went wrong? Where?

The more I think about this, the more questions I have in my mind. It seems impossible to make sense of any of this. So for now, I’m doing the easiest thing that one can do. Be cross at the almighty for letting this happen. For the inexplicable PAIN that so many of us are feeling. And then I find myself praying to him, to never make a mother or child go thru’ this. Never again.

Timing!

Everything in life..ya everything...is timed. Therz a reason why it happens when it happens.

So, we moved to MN. That's right after several years in VT..we both changed jobs..well, just our clients and our city. There was a certain sense of nervousness about leaving the known and moving to a place where we didn't know anybody. But we were more excited 'coz we've been wanting this change for a while now.

Anyways...to continue talking..actually writing what this post is about... based on how the move was triggered and how things fell in place and how some things happened as we moved.. it all falls in place. The reasons are so clear! It is all timed by the unknown supreme powers.

5 Happy Years and Counting…

We have been married for 5 yrs as of 6/14/2011. Am excited to reach this milestone…not surprised… but excited enough to add to the regular Anniversary celebrations.

Ours was a fairly typical arranged marriage. The kind where parents checked the horoscopes, then we spent hours and days and weeks and months talking to each other, okay-ed each other, the in-laws came to “see” me and “finalize’ our marriage and that was it, then we were married. And if I may say, we didn’t start out in love with each other. I would say we were infatuated with each other. And over these 5 years have fallen in love . Touchwood!




I’d like to make 2 lists, One, our journey in the last 5 years and two, 5 things that Marriage has taught me.

Our journey together so far…

June 2006 – May 2007 : Dealing with adopting a new family to be my own, living away from each other after being married, Moving to a strange city and then a strange country, learning to cook , Learning to manage our home, Not being able to lock myself alone when mad with the other half, Getting used to being called a ‘wife’ or asked about the ‘husband’, enjoying the freedom to romance and love a man openly, yearning for someone in a way you never imagined, long drives and feeling elated ‘coz I realize that the hubby loves driving as much as the dad does….. Honestly, the 1s year was a very confusing one.
Places we were at : Bangalore, Dindigul (TN), Chennai, Kerala, Mumbai, Hyderabad, Vermont, NYC, Niagara Falls, Pittsburgh, Boston

June 2007 – May 2008 : Appreciating that I have a husband who is willing to move for my job, Enjoying time with each other, Figuring out a routine as a married couple, Trying to manage our work-related travels, Struggling to attain stability, began the ‘yearly’ holiday routine…….This was the year that we were figuring out each other and what makes things better vs worse. There were times we loved each other and at other times when we questioned the marriage.
Places we were at: Maryland, Virginia, DC, NJ, Puerto Rico, Pennsylvania, Toronto, Ontario, Montreal

June 2008 -May 2009 : Managed to start leading the life of a ‘regular’ married couple, Appreciated belonging to each other, started gaining stability in life, Did an awesome road-trip, discovered our love for nature and national parks….A good and fairly uneventful year!
Places we were at: Vermont, San Diego, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, Utah, LA

June 2009 -May 2010 : Had the in-laws visiting for 4 months, learnt that the husband will not behave differently in front of parents, in fact learnt that he will stand up for me if it comes down to that, Started getting a feel of potential life troubles heading our way, handled it very nervously……A rollercoaster year!
Places we were at: Vermont, NYC, NJ, Maine, Boston, Keywest, Miami, Orlando

June 2010 -May 2011 : The potential trouble became an actual heartache , it brought us closer than ever, We became adventurous and greedy about making the best of life, We cared lesser about the world’s opinions, became more health-conscious, Cried and laughed together a lot more often, did a 17-hour road trip and realized we’ll love to try a month-long one, figured we don’t know when we’ll get the answer to our worries, but know for sure that we will get it some day….. An eventful year!
Places we were at: Vermont, SFO, Maine, Smoky Mountains

5 Lessons that Marriage has taught me
1.As clichéd as it sounds, Marriage has taught me all that matters is that eventually we are together. It’s not that worldly worries don’t haunt me or that I welcome it with open arms..but dealing with them seems a lot easier when we have each other. The trait of ‘sense of humor’ mabbe under-rated but definitely not over-rated, it helps you get by a lot of stuff in life. If life gave me another chance, I would embrace it just the way it currently is.

2.Marriage has taught me to be less bull-headed. To be a li’l patient and to change those things about me that at one point -in-time were considered to be personality traits that one could never ever change. It has taught me that compromise is not a bad word and the importance of giving a relationship one’s best at pretty much all times.

3.Marriage has taught me that relationships need to be worked on, on a regular basis, if not day-to-day. It has taught me that each phase of a marriage poses a different type of challenge and that both the parties involved need to figure out the solution. It has taught me that what the world feels doesn’t matter as long as we both agree. It has taught me that fights are not a bad thing.

4.Marriage has taught me to look at LOVE differently. To respect and understand those who cannot say those 3 words . It has made me realize that different people have different ways of showing their love and affection and it’s up to the receiver to interpret and u’stand the way the giver chooses to give it.

5.Marriage has taught me what it is to belong to someone. It has taught me that one can be an independent woman even while the two people in the marriage are responsible for a different set of tasks and therefore dependent on each other. It has taught me to work as a team. It has helped me u’stand how two people become one.

Last Year in my 20s !

Hmm.. so the B’day obsessed girl that I am..I have to write about it… I celebrated yet another ‘Happy’ B’day! Was a nice few days leading up to it and following it.. Made up for the lousy B’day that I had last year.

Jack.. I was so touched, that you remembered. Thank You so much!

On the evening before my B’day 2 of my girl friends coordinated with the husband and had me go over to their place to pick up something. When I went there…they had cooked an awesome dinner for us and baked me a upside down pineapple cake. All yummmieee stuff! They presented me a beautiful dress and cleaning gloves… ya u read right..lol, Mon is alwez complaining about how I don’t use gloves while doing dishes…and now, thanks to her gift, I use them and take care of my hands :)

On my B’day , I wore this really pretty dress. I don’t have any of that kind and it was a last-minute steal. The husband gifted me a cool slide-sling bag. At work, a colleague Heidi, presented me a card, a friendship willow-tree doll, a pair of ear-rings and bught me a cake. I’ve alwez wanted to collect them willow-tree dolls and this is the 1st one..i was so happy. The day at work went by in a daze. I was busy attending meetings and B’day phone calls.

In the evening, another couple-friend brought over a Ben n Jerry’s ice-cream cake. Yummylicious is an understatement. So ya I cut 3 cakes this B’day !

Then V and I went to a play of ‘To kill a mocking Bird’. It was brilliant and dined at a mexican restaurant afterwards.I received gifts from 2 other friends through post. A bag, a top, a card . a scarf and a fancy hair clip. So ya, gifts galore!

On the Saturday following my B’day we went to Albany for the Tulip festival…which was a great day out to ! so ya, all in all had an awesome time.

The following i.e on May 14th, I wrote my PMP certification exam and passed it! so ya, I am a certified Project Management Professional now! woo hoooo !

The Tamil New Year started on a fairly bad note for us. But I hope that was the end of bad times, that good times are awaiting us. I pray that my 29th year is very special and turns out to be a significant one!

Is the Glass half empty or half full?
I feel the World is becoming a better place. Everything about it isn’t perfect and in all honesty will probably never be, but what the hec, I’ve always believed that perfection is an illusion! Therz nothing about it that’s realistic or for that matter inspiring. There is always scope for improvement and that’s what motivates me and keeps me hopeful.

I don’t understand the cynics who smirk at every step we take and say there is no use of that step ‘coz we’ll never quite reach the top of the tower. How does one reach the top without climbing those zillion small steps? I agree…that maybe for every 10 steps we take ahead , there are actions that send us 5 steps down or mabbe 15 steps down, but yet I want to rejoice n celebrate those 10 steps while I mourn n rant about the 15 steps. You don’t quite have the right to whine , if you don’t appreciate…do you? If pessimism is going to aid in development in any manner, tell me ,and I’ll join you but not otherwise.

Anyways..over the last few days…this is what some of us have celebrated while the rest have criticized n been cynical about…

- The World Cup win. What’s not to celebrate in this u ask…some ppl are cookin up a match-fixin story , while others are whining about why other sports aren’t given as much attention while some others are worried about the display of unity in India on just that one evening! What spoil-sports? Do they realize they were not part of that unity for even that one night?
- Anna Hazare’s movement. I was so proud of him. n yet there are ppl scoffing at him and his supporters asking if that’ll change India and make it free of corruption. No it won’t. Its not an overnight movement. No kind of revolution is. It takes time and perseverance. It’s not going to make India better for us…but if we are diligent and don’t give up..I’m sure it will be a better place for our children or mabbe our grandchildren.
- Osama Bin Laden’s death… The unimaginable has been made possible! La la la ! You say , his death doesn’t mean that terrorism has ended? I very well know that ! He played such a significant role n manslaughter and his death will definitely shake up his team-mates., no? Baby steps people…Baby steps! You can’t do nothing and expect a miracle to occur overnight. I donno I mabbe daft , but I believed it, the instant I saw the news flash on my phone. I know people are asking for a death certificate n what not… but me…I’m a believer and a celebrator (is that a word?) !

I want to ask the cynics, pessimists, non-believers to back off and focus their energy in encouraging(if not contributing) those who are trying to make the world a better place. Don’t forget the age-old sayin, ‘Li’l dops of water make an ocean!”