Confusions of the Thinking Mind

Picture this. Year 2009. A couple who live by themselves. The husband, Mr Open Minded , 60 yrs old, closed his own business 5 years back.[He didnt have a choice about it and did what he had to in the give circumstances]. The wife, Ms Independent, 55 yrs , is working at a 9 to 6 job. they have a debt to clear n Ms independent intends on quitting her job once the loan has been taken care of. Mr Open-minded helps around the house. As needed he washes clothes (India style, on a washing stone; not by loading the washing machine!!), sweeps n mops the house, washes the front porch n draws a rangoli etc etc. Ms Independent does her share of house-work, cooking, cleaning dishes etc.

So what is your instant reaction to such a story? Do you want to pat the guy on the back and say New-age man and applaud him for throwing in a helping hand? For being broad-minded enough to agree and live this set-up?

Well.tho not completely, for a while..that was my reaction. I convinced myself that this is development n change n this is what we are heading to. But no more fooling myself,. Something , just something seems to be amiss with the set-up. It doesn’t paint the picture of a happy couple leading a happy life. I’m not sure if the husband should actually be called “Mr Open-minded”. Or the Wife “Ms Independent”. She is more like “Ms supporter” and he “Mr easy-way-out”

For starters I know the Ms Supporter is tired of working @ a 9-6 job. She has been doing this for the last 25 odd years. She needs a break. BUT if a debt must be cleared, then someone has got to work. n if its okay for a guy to work even when he doesn’t want to, why can’t the same hold true for a woman? N its not that Mr Easy-Way-Out has a job opportunity but won’t take it up. He doesn’t have any that are “appropriate”. And India is not yet matured to treat all jobs with the same dignity.

If I don’t feel sorry for a house wife (now known as home maker) who does the home tasks why should I feel sorry for a guy who is at home, who does the same? BUT it’s so hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea of a guy drawing a rangoli in front of the house at 6 am! There is something about it that doesn’t look as modern as it sounds.

So much for preaching the equality of men and women! Given my reactions, should I be branded as a hypocrite in this situation? Is it just me who has this kinda reaction? Can my resistance to this scenario be categorized under the “normal” general resistance to change and will I be able to look at the same situation in a positive manner few years down the line when it is more prevalent? Will such a scenario become more prevalent in the coming years?

What if I told you that now, Mr Easy-Way-Out has b’come used to Ms Supporter providing for them and so shows no inclination to contribute to the finances in any manner so that she can retire soon, like she wishes to? Even when Ms Supporter says that she wants to quit..he clearly says/shows his disagreement with the idea and prods her to continue working atleast part-time. That can’t be the right thing to do!?! But if both of them are done working, then what does the family do to provide for themselves?!

Sorry, I’ve raised a zillion questions in this post. But my mind feels very confused. It’s not able to come up with any solution. What do you feel about all this?

It’s the time

Its that time of the year when there is loads n loads of festivals!..Starting Raksha Bandan/Aavani Avittam(the day the men change their sacred thread. Never mind that Mr husband takes it off the very next day..’coz its yet a day of celebration at home) in early August until New Years even in Dec..its celebration time. Time to get dolled up, cook fancy food, throw parties, attend parties and have a blast!

Well, technically this post should have come much earlier i.e in august. I generally look forward to all the festivals and this time more so ‘coz my inlaws were suppose to be here..and I was planning on celebrating all of them very traditionally and making lots of yummy food ‘coz I would be assisting well-experienced hands in the kitchen. But it wasn’t meant to be. The Avani Avittam and Ganesh Chaturthi celebrations were nice…but inlaws left early, just before Janmashatami..and so it was back to just the husband and I for the remaining festivals.

I was bummed about it and thanks to being in low spirits did not celebrate Janmashtami or Dusshera. We did nothing at home. Not even any special food. No special prayers. Nothing. The husband played along. He didn’t complain about the lack of celebration nor did he motivate to actually celebrate.

Now it’s time for Diwali. n since childhood this has remained my fav festival. For the last 2 years that I have been in the US..we have had a Diwali potluck at my place..decorated our home with Diyas and Rangoli, cooked some special food, did puja, wore new traditional clothes etc etc etc. This year coz my mil was suppose to be here..i had decided that we would have a Diwali party at home as usual except that we would do ALL the cooking. Atleast 30 people had come over last year minus the kids.

Thankfully the high spirits have returned and I want to celebrate Diwali nicely. If possible, make up for all the festivals I missed celebrating. Now of course plans had to change. I couldn’t cook for 30 people…but no, I want to cook. N there has been disagreements between the husband and me in that area. I don’t like throwing a party in OUR HOME unless we are on the same page.

As luck would have it…we have to move by the end of the month. We are just moving to the ground floor in the same apartment. N this is being done mostly ‘coz I want to. Thanks to constantly moving for the last 2 years..this year, I couldn’t rest in peace when we recently completed a year in the same home. I have been itching to move and the opportunity has risen and the husband has agreed! I like moving ‘coz it brings about the excitement of setting up a new home and of course it’s a nice excuse to clean and do away with all the unwanted stuff we have collected at home.

N so..we have decided that we will throw a party once we move to our new home and settle down there. I’m looking forward to the move and the party that will follow after.

Meanwhile..I am really xcited about Diwali. I have decided on the menu for the day. I’m yet to choose which sari I’m going to drape, but I’ve picked up some matching jewellery to go with a few saris I have shortlisted. We have chosen the sherwani for the hubby and have been invited to attend a party at a friend’s place in the evening.

Am so looking forward to the coming days! Hope its fun! Yippe!

So, what are your plans for Diwali? And which is your favorite festival?

Sum Of All Fears

They were crawling below the unbderbush. Tired and sweaty. "Come on, Pavi...a few more miles and we are through", Vinod implored. Pavi knew it wasn't true, but after seeing the way Musheer and Vinay were taken down, she did not care for rest. Clutching her gun close to the chest she crawled further, inch by inch.

---
"It wil be fun!", Harish was exclaiming, "You guys have just a day with us and why waste it by sitting at a coffee shop and yapping; which we do anyways over chat and mail!". She could see that Vinod was on his side, he too liked the idea of having a day in the outdoors as he had been cooped up since the time they visited India. She could see the merits but for a reason she could not quite fathom, felt uneasy. She looked at Musheer and Vinay. Vinay was as usual a fence sitter but Musheer, maybe sensing her unease, said "Yeah da! It sounds fun. With the jungle all around and you, i don't know...hanging out sounds like a perfect plan to me! What's wrong with hang..."

"...don't be a girl Mush!" Harish snapped, "You know that all this talk about naxals in the jungle are rubbish...and what do you think I would try? Kill you?"

---

And now he was. Pavi couldn't help but shake the feeling that this was all Harish's plan. For one; he had practically disappeared the moment they hit the resort. And Musheer was shot from the front. The red splattered across his chest was a large blob which meant that he was shot up close, he wouldn't allow someone he didn't know to come that close, right?

"What?" She turned to Vinod, "I didn't hear what you said". "I said, we will take a break once we reach that ridge, but we will have to cross it alone. I will sneak along and give you the signal to come across, alright?"

She nodded, barely able to hide her frustration. She dragged him into this and he had endured for so long without complaining and not even for once had he uttered anything about giving up. A surge of affection welled up inside her for her husband and before she could bring herself to say anything he gave her a look. A look that meant he understood and a that it will be over soon. A feeling, though she did not share, was glad that he did.

---
"You okay, right? Vinod asked, "We can cancel this and stay back in the city if you want" She could see that he was serious and even though he liked the idea of gallivanting through the jungle, he would stay back if she did not feel upto it. "Hmmm...Can we?" She asked teasingly and laughed at the flight of expressions across his face; dismay, concern and; when he realized she was kidding; a wide grin.

"Alright, alright...I get it...I will pay the price for this won't I?"

"We'll see"
---

With a quick kiss and a nod, he slowly began to walk, crouching, towards the ridge. There was an open stretch where for a second he was exposed to anyone watching but he quickly crossed it and leaned on a rock; partially hidden from her. She sighed in relief and for a minute had this optimistic thought that they might yet make it.

He looked over to her and smiled, or so she thought and she smiled back. And realized in horror that there was a shape slowly disengaging itself from the cluster of rocks and was rising behind Vinod. She gave a muted scream and realized thta he hasn't noticed it. The form resolved itself to the familiar, and now loathed, shape of Harish. Vinod realised something was wrong when her piercing scream reached his ears and he turned back with his gun raised, a little too late. She heard the chatter of Harish's rifle and saw the blotches, dark and brooding, appear in front of Vinod's chest.

He was falling and then...it was all a blur...she remember pointing her gun and screaming...running down the slope...body powered by rage and thirst for revenge...staring into Harish's eyes and pressing the trigger...seeing the red blob where his head was...jumping on his flailing body and hitting his helmeted head with her gun...

"Pavi, Pavi...whoa!!! Easy!! It's paintball, not wrestle mania!! You win! You win!"

*********************************************************************************

This space means a lot to me. It belongs to me…ONLY me. Its a space that I have complete control over.Its a space where I can speak w/o having anyone interrupt me. N that I like. There have been times when I have been hooked to it and given it lots of attention by writing many posts[one per week ;every week of the month is MANY in my dictionary!], responding to comments on a daily basis and all of that. n then there have been times when I hvn’t visited it in ages. I’ve just let it be;not done anything with it for several weeks. Frankly, I rarely beat myself up or feel guilty about not updating my blog as often as I should. I’ve always been aware n conscious of its existence. Of the fact that I can come here n write what I want n instantly feel better. n that’s all matters to me. After all its MINE.

All you people who have been reading me for several months now. Thank You very much. I won’t lie that the readers..commenters is one other reason that keeps me coming back to my space. As much as jotting my thoughts down makes me feel good; the fact that someone cares to read what I write makes me feel better.

I can’t remember why I started writing back in Dec 2004.Think it was a fad to own blogs then and then I had friends who wrote very well, n who I loved to read. Thus began this journey. Now its no more the fad..the most important reason why I write is ‘coz I want to be able to look back at my life and my thoughts. It’s about coming back to it several years later. Its about capturing some things in words.

So ya in [close to] 5 years…I finally have my 100th post. THIS is it! N of course the dear dear friend who created this space for me n wrote my first post.. is the obvious choice to write my 100th post. He doesn’t blog as much these days.I really wish he blogged more often.

I hope this space continues to live with me!

Okay..tell me honestly..how many of u all could identify that the “Sum of All Fears” wasn’t authored by me? N how/why? Be honest u guys!

Of Love, Hate n more Intellectual stuff

I read The FountainHead. Again. I enjoyed it. Again. I could appreciate how profound it is. Again.

The 1st time I read the book, I was 19 years old and it was the first of the kind that I was reading. I was graduating from Sidney Sheldons n the likes to authors like Ayn Rand. I developed a different kind of respect for the book and it instantly became a favorite.

The 2nd time I read the book, I’m as impressed as I was the first time, mostly for the same reasons, but yet in a different way. This time I have no silly illusions about living in a world where people like Howard Roark actually exist. I don’t have the slightest dream to live life like him. I accept that, that’s so far from reality. But I do feel saddened that this is all just fiction and can never be reality.

I don’t believe I’ve come across a book that conveys deeper philosophy than this. And definitely not in a more interesting manner than The FountainHead does.I’m not surprised that the book has been in print for more than 25 years.. It is definitely likeable across genders, age groups, cultures and generations The author reminisces that they don’t write such books anymore. She could be right.

In the “Afterword”..It is mentioned that that one of the best things about this book is that it temporarily it allows you to live in Howard Roark’s world. I agree and would like to add..The book makes you imagine and wonder about how well you would fit into that world and what you would do under the circumstances.

Among the many personalities in the book are 3 key personalities, the man that WAS, the man that COULD HAVE BEEN and the man who COULD NEVER BE. I like this classification. It takes so much effort and energy to be a certain personality. No one has it easy..It is tough sometime or the other…At the beginning, thru’ the journey or at the end…for anybody…for everybody.

I could go on n on but you must read the book to be able to appreciate it. I ‘ll end with what remained a question in my head. The book suggests that “one who is not capable of hate is not capable of love”.

I believe that no greater importance can be given to someone than the emotion of hatred. It is finally the person who hates who loses ‘coz hatred results in so much negative energy. N so I don’t hate anyone or anything. Is that why I don’t u’stand what love is?Is that why I don’t know what the word or emotion means?

Me Thinks…

- Its offensive that ppl respond to selected comments on their posts and don’t even bother with acknowledging the other comments.
- A certain person has blocked me on gtalk, though they keep sending me emails saying “oh!how I wish I can get online when u come online. We MUST catch up” . Yeah Rite! Why the effort to pretend I wonder!
- The gossipy neighbor who said “that girl must have committed some sin in her past, that’s why she has a mother like B” is SO out of her mind! N may I add THAT girl is 2 yrs old!!!
- Most times it’s the company that matters and not so much the place
- This world won’t let anyone who chooses a different/ out of “normal” path for their life...to live peacefully. The world doesn’t u’stand that many times it’s not necessarily a ‘chosen’ path. They don’t u’stand its really NOT their business to opine about it!
- Its unfair when one is okay with spending a huge amount simply ‘coz it’s not their money that is being spent.
- Its hard to make good lifelong friends as one grows older
- EVERYONE has an element of selfishness in them and that’s not a bad thing
- Making one u’stand that Religion and God are 2 completely different subjects is a mammoth of a task.
- Job Security is such a far-away dream
- One’s got to be so damn heartless to give family politics more importance than seeing a newborn
- A parent who is a friend to their child is not necessarily a good parent. A friend and a parent, each is a separate role and have separate responsibilities.
- Pen friends are GREAT! A blogger and I have come so far in our friendship without having ever met each other. We can’t imagine a day without mailing/texting each other. We don’t even crave to meet. We are happy with things the way they are. Touchwood!
- That I have a wonderful husband though it’s hard to explain how n why. Touchwood again!