Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I am HAPPY! Very HAPPY! can't yet say why..but will come back to let you all in. But for now I'm Happy ! and just wanted to spread the joy! louuuve

Friday, August 08, 2014

I have writte a million posts ... well not really million but several in my head and several in drafts. Not able to publish as blogger is lumping it all into one biiiiig para and not accepting para-breaks. UGH! any ideas how to resolve ? Also, does anyone read me anymore? Write back and let me know how you are doing!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Late Friday night, early Saturday morning, as I was heading to bed…I checked FB on my phone one more time and saw the millionth post of a parent hugging their child tighter that evening. I locked my phone with a bit of irritation and with the word” seriously?!”  in my head fell tight asleep.

 Saturday morning I woke up with a sudden “OMG! Am I jealous?. Is that why I am reacting that way?!” thought. Honest.
N so, when I learnt about to the CT shooting on Friday afternoon my 1st reaction was sadness and anger. My delivery manager saw me and asked me if everything was allright… and I told him, it was the shooting that upset me and how mad I was at the guy who had the heart to take away the lives of so many innocent children and ranted about how this is a repeated occurrence in the United States and we have to take some stand on gun control. The evening was fine, with some discussion about it on n off.  

But Saturday was when I got thinking more about the CT shooting. About the parents who would have struggled to sleep that night .About how they would have never thought that that morning was the last time they kissed their baby to school.  About how they must be regretting getting mad at their child for spilt b’fast that Friday morning .  About their beautiful Christmas tree on which they would have hung their child’s favorite ornament, which now would mean nothing.  The Christmas tree probably looks ugly to them now. Brings them sad memories. About the future they had dreamt of for their li’l one.  About the children who have to go back to that school. About the parents who have to be willing to send their children to school. How hard it must be for them to wake up on Saturday morning, of course…only if they got any sleep on Friday night.
Those of you who have read me long enough, probably know that I am a person with theories. I survive life based on my belief in theories like ‘Everything Happens for the best!” and “Everything has a rhyme n reason to it”. Why , even my comeback post was about that. But now, I laugh at my theories. How can anything related to the CT shooting be for the best? I dare not try and tell a parent who has lost a child that it’s for the best. I’ve seen some people holding onto their faith system and belief that God knows what he is doing.  I am jealous of these people… coz, I want to ask God, what the hec this is about?! What on earth was he thinking? How could those innocent lives have deserved that? How can any parent be inflicted with such pain?

N then I think…. Is it better to have or not to have?  Isn’t it tougher to cope with the loss of a child after having one rather than never having a child? Isn’t it tougher to be a mother of a child who takes innocent lives than not be a mother at all?
When the dark knight theatre shooting incident happened, and I saw the culprit, on news, all of 20 yrs I think..I felt sad for him. I wondered what must have happened in his life to make him do this. Surely, it was a psychotic moment. He was a patient, who no one realized needed help.

 And I feel the same about this kid. Someone who desperately needed help and had no clue what he was doing. He killed his mother. The woman, in all probability did her best to shield him from hatred and violence and pain. What went wrong? Where?
The more I think about this, the more questions I have in my mind. It seems impossible to make sense of any of this. So for now, I’m doing the easiest thing that one can do. Be cross at the almighty for letting this happen. For the inexplicable PAIN that so many of us are feeling. And then I find myself praying to him, to never make a mother or child go thru’ this. Never again.

Thursday, December 13, 2012


Everything in life..ya everything...is timed. Therz a reason why it happens when it happens.

So, we moved to MN. That's right after several years in VT..we both changed jobs..well, just our clients and our city. There was a certain sense of nervousness about leaving the known and moving to a place where we didn't know anybody. But we were more excited 'coz we've been wanting this change for a while now.

Anyways...to continue talking..actually writing what this post is about... based on how the move was triggered and how things fell in place and how some things happened as we moved.. it all falls in place. The reasons are so clear! It is all timed by the unknown supreme powers.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

5 Happy Years and Counting…

We have been married for 5 yrs as of 6/14/2011. Am excited to reach this milestone…not surprised… but excited enough to add to the regular Anniversary celebrations.

Ours was a fairly typical arranged marriage. The kind where parents checked the horoscopes, then we spent hours and days and weeks and months talking to each other, okay-ed each other, the in-laws came to “see” me and “finalize’ our marriage and that was it, then we were married. And if I may say, we didn’t start out in love with each other. I would say we were infatuated with each other. And over these 5 years have fallen in love . Touchwood!

I’d like to make 2 lists, One, our journey in the last 5 years and two, 5 things that Marriage has taught me.

Our journey together so far…

June 2006 – May 2007 : Dealing with adopting a new family to be my own, living away from each other after being married, Moving to a strange city and then a strange country, learning to cook , Learning to manage our home, Not being able to lock myself alone when mad with the other half, Getting used to being called a ‘wife’ or asked about the ‘husband’, enjoying the freedom to romance and love a man openly, yearning for someone in a way you never imagined, long drives and feeling elated ‘coz I realize that the hubby loves driving as much as the dad does….. Honestly, the 1s year was a very confusing one.
Places we were at : Bangalore, Dindigul (TN), Chennai, Kerala, Mumbai, Hyderabad, Vermont, NYC, Niagara Falls, Pittsburgh, Boston

June 2007 – May 2008 : Appreciating that I have a husband who is willing to move for my job, Enjoying time with each other, Figuring out a routine as a married couple, Trying to manage our work-related travels, Struggling to attain stability, began the ‘yearly’ holiday routine…….This was the year that we were figuring out each other and what makes things better vs worse. There were times we loved each other and at other times when we questioned the marriage.
Places we were at: Maryland, Virginia, DC, NJ, Puerto Rico, Pennsylvania, Toronto, Ontario, Montreal

June 2008 -May 2009 : Managed to start leading the life of a ‘regular’ married couple, Appreciated belonging to each other, started gaining stability in life, Did an awesome road-trip, discovered our love for nature and national parks….A good and fairly uneventful year!
Places we were at: Vermont, San Diego, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, Utah, LA

June 2009 -May 2010 : Had the in-laws visiting for 4 months, learnt that the husband will not behave differently in front of parents, in fact learnt that he will stand up for me if it comes down to that, Started getting a feel of potential life troubles heading our way, handled it very nervously……A rollercoaster year!
Places we were at: Vermont, NYC, NJ, Maine, Boston, Keywest, Miami, Orlando

June 2010 -May 2011 : The potential trouble became an actual heartache , it brought us closer than ever, We became adventurous and greedy about making the best of life, We cared lesser about the world’s opinions, became more health-conscious, Cried and laughed together a lot more often, did a 17-hour road trip and realized we’ll love to try a month-long one, figured we don’t know when we’ll get the answer to our worries, but know for sure that we will get it some day….. An eventful year!
Places we were at: Vermont, SFO, Maine, Smoky Mountains

5 Lessons that Marriage has taught me
1.As clichéd as it sounds, Marriage has taught me all that matters is that eventually we are together. It’s not that worldly worries don’t haunt me or that I welcome it with open arms..but dealing with them seems a lot easier when we have each other. The trait of ‘sense of humor’ mabbe under-rated but definitely not over-rated, it helps you get by a lot of stuff in life. If life gave me another chance, I would embrace it just the way it currently is.

2.Marriage has taught me to be less bull-headed. To be a li’l patient and to change those things about me that at one point -in-time were considered to be personality traits that one could never ever change. It has taught me that compromise is not a bad word and the importance of giving a relationship one’s best at pretty much all times.

3.Marriage has taught me that relationships need to be worked on, on a regular basis, if not day-to-day. It has taught me that each phase of a marriage poses a different type of challenge and that both the parties involved need to figure out the solution. It has taught me that what the world feels doesn’t matter as long as we both agree. It has taught me that fights are not a bad thing.

4.Marriage has taught me to look at LOVE differently. To respect and understand those who cannot say those 3 words . It has made me realize that different people have different ways of showing their love and affection and it’s up to the receiver to interpret and u’stand the way the giver chooses to give it.

5.Marriage has taught me what it is to belong to someone. It has taught me that one can be an independent woman even while the two people in the marriage are responsible for a different set of tasks and therefore dependent on each other. It has taught me to work as a team. It has helped me u’stand how two people become one.