I try to do things I love, I try to talk nonstop, I try to remain silent, I try reading a book, I try goin on long scenic drives, I try listening to music, I try to get absorbed in endless games of sudoku, I try to crack jokes with my fav people, I try to plan a vacation, I try to day-dream of happy things, I try to sleep, I try to stay awake and think of other things, I try surf the web aimlessly, I try to not write, I try to write, I try to talk about it, I try to not talk about it, I try to let the tears fall down my face, I try to stop thinking, I try to think of nothing, I try to pretend that everything is fine hoping that THAT will actually make things fine
…..All this while dealing with what must be dealt with…
…N yet the heart aches, overcome with sadness.
I begin to realize that mabbe I don’t need to try this hard, that its pretty much impossible to not think about it. None of this is actually going to make anything better or easier….It is what it is.
And in the end…it WILL be fine!
Monday, October 11, 2010