Relationship Questions
Some questions that I’ve been pondering over …thought I’d get different perspectives on them:
-> Isn’t it a pity that CA finally banned the law allowing gay marriages? While most of us would agree to that, (Pls tell me if u don’t, I would love to discuss/argue!) I was thinking should married homosexuals and/or single heterosexuals be allowed to adopt children?
The ideal environment for a child to grow in is with a mother and a father. Of course due to some unavoidable reasons, sometimes this is not possible. But as a law should we allow otherwise?
-> N talking about adoption one of my ex-colleagues and her husband had decided that they would have one biological child and adopt another child. But now, after having had the biological child, her husband argues about whether they will do equal justice to both the children, if they were to adopt a child. He is in doubt. What do you think?
-> Is it always people who are alike that get along very well? A friend recently mentioned about how xcited she was coz she met sumone who was in the same field as her and seemed to think like her and share her interests. Is it such stuff that makes a relationship work? So will my relationship not work coz I dislike sweets and my special someone loves sweets, ‘coz I drink and mine is a teetotaler, ‘coz I love reading books and he doesn’t really enjoy the same, ‘coz I dance and he doesn’t? Is being like-minded a key success-factor for relationships?
-> If a person cheats, lies, fools, gets over the break-up of a certain relationship too fast..for reasons which start looking like mere excuses once u start placing the pieces of the puzzle at the right spot; Does it mean that they might be the same in their future relationships? Must one be weary of such people? Is it hard to trust such a person?
N then I wonder…
-> Who is a good friend? The one who stands up to what she does not support and disagrees with; the one who voices her disagreement and shows her unhappiness over her friends’ unchangeable actions; But at the same time promises to Get over it with time and be Friends Forever OR the one who stands by her friend and nods her head in agreement from Day one, in spite of actually not agreeing…just so that her friend does not hurt?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
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29 comments:
hmmm....agree with ur first point...gay shouldnt be allowed to adopt!...it really hampers the child's self esteem
yeah u need to have a partner with same frequency for a good relationship[just like 2 best friends]
1. i don't think the "law" should decide who marries whom. it's an individual decision. and people should be allowed to express that. either ban marriage completely... or let gay marriages be legal as well. as for children... i believe they should be allowed to if they wish to and if they can provide for them. same as heterosexual couples.
2. vin believes that too. but i'm not so sure.
3. believing in identical ideologies... having identical interests (some, nt all) and sharing the same wavelength - in my opinion - are critical to a r'ship working.
4. i don't trust such people.
5. i'd read somewhere: a good friend is one who would criticise you in private but is there to fight off the world for u.
i think that sums up how my closest pals are. :)
Very thought provoking questions Pavi.
1. I do not think that a law can determine whether or not a homosexual couple or a single heterosexual should be allowed to adopt. In that case, would children be taken away from their parents once the parents decide to divorce or one parent dies? Will the law force a pregnant single woman to abort? If the answer is no to the latter questions then it should be fair for the others as well.
2. I think that the husband is being quite insightful. Though not necessarily true, his fears may come true.
3. It depends on how you define "alike". Dietary concerns and hobbies do not necessarily affect a relationship as much as the values and beliefs that both persons hold. Sometimes people in the same profession tend to have the same ideologies (such as in the case of doctors) and they may understand each other better than others.
4.I do not necessarily think that we can really judge someone based on the scenario you have given. Sometimes it could purely be situations and circumstances that may cause the person to be that way. I think everyone deserves a second chance. If they blow that chance, then its probably true that it is their personality to be blamed and they will repeat their behavior.
5. A good friend is one who stands by you no matter what...whether or not he or she disagrees with you.
i think when you adopt, you do so after careful thought. and it depends on the partners involved...
being on te same wavelength matters but being mirror images of each other may not work...
@Broca : n i also feel it confuses the child. We tend to ape our parents as children..
same frequency..i agree. I Q abt whether 2 ppl have to be ALIKE to get along!
@RayRay:
1..I just feel a child tends to get v.confused with homosexual parents. n a single parent cant provide all. To be able to provide a good envt for growth the child needs more than just love n money. -just my thot.
2.Ya,this one, im not sure too.
3.yes wavelength does matter..
5. i really like the part abt "but is there to fight off the world for u" ..will keep that in mind.
@sol : Firstly thanks for visitin :)
1. The Q abt the law letting the single mother abort is valid..i dont have an ans..but pls read my response to RayRay n Broca.
I know a 17 yr old in such a scenario..n its very confusing for the child.Its anywez hard to bring up a child..why create more confusion in their minds?
2. Right..
3. Yes..its just the amt of stress that some ppl lay on being alike that kinda irks me.
4. I feel the same. That a person shldn't be judged based on one or even 2 scenarios..they can and may change.
5. Yes,its abt standing thru' thick n thin
@Suma: oh ya both the hsuabnd n wife have to be on the same page before they adopt.
Yes some ppl can't diffrentiate btw the two though :(
>i dont thinkj iotz law who hv to decide who to marry and who not to marry not.. and adopting a child.. well, broca have put up a good point - how will the child feel whn he/she realise that his/her parents are gay? hm.. complex...
> i think the doubts of the guy are valid. if he is in doubt, dont cat now - take more time to think...
> i think itz nt ppl who r alike, but ppl who share same frequency / bandwidth who gets along...
> past actions r not always best way to judge a person. My friend V was a college romeo and a l'll casanova, and this girl T fell in love with him. We thought he will break her heart when he gets bored, but he changed himself and they are happily married and expecting their kid now...
>a god friend in one who will not say yes to anything you do - a good friend tried to show you the other side of coin in private, but sides up with you in public...
I know of a homosexual couple who have one biological daughter (from one woman) and have adopted another child as well.
Both the daughters are extremely well-adjusted and are very proud that they have two mothers.
Pavi, I am curious to know what you think about children who have been raised by one parent. Do you think they are maladjusted or that they are different in any way from those who have been raised in intact nuclear families?
@xh..ya,its v.complex..frankly im confused abt wat i feel rgdg this!
-> Rite
->Thats wat every1 here say...n i agree.
->Ppl do change i guess..as situations change
->yup
@Sol: mabbe most of our views are based on wat we see arnd us.
The reality is wat u see xsists n wat i see exsists as well.
No,i dont feel children raised by a single parent are maladjusted..i just think they have a toughr time growin up.Some of em emerge stronger n some of em..it imapcts not so +vely.
But even children with both parents grow up anyways..the parents are most definetly not the single determining factor.
Honestly..im confused and not convinced this way or that rgdg this.
I think the society changes over a period of time and there were advocates who said that children growing up in nuclear families vis a vis joint ones would suffer, same was said about single vs nuclear parents...I believe that Gay adoption would also be accepted in the same reluctant but inevitable way.
2. Two people NEED not be alike AT ALL!!! (Period) I guess there are bot good and bad examples for both sides....I do believe in a certain matching of wavelength or general outlook but not nitty gritties...like ur Chocolate thing.. :-D
3. The rest of the Q's? Well....I am not answering...coz I know I guess... :)
wow so many questions.. I will answer 2.. about the adoption question -2 .. that is probably true.. but you will never know.. so you are either willing to take the risk and ponder in retrospect or not take the risk at all!! M believes that too!
3.. like mindedness... it helps.. they need not be xerox copies of each other.. but at least ideals need to be as close as possible.. for that would make things easier!! more mundane things like reading or dancing, does it really matter? But then priorities vary from person to person!!
if i put my comments it will go on too log for this post..so i'll just stay quiet for now Pavi:)
but the one on adoption..i think it's all in the mind, once u accept someone as urs and then bring up the child, nurture and watch him/her growing up.. with memories of life...it really doesn't matter then...
ya i agree to that gay should not be allowed to adopt child
but they should allow to marry each other at-least
here is my blog i m relatively new
http://lifeshouldblikethisonly.blogspot.com/
lots of questions
i guess i will comment on just the first one [for now probably. i wish there is a way to sticky post]
are you asking 2 questions? 1. gay marriages 2. child adoption by gays
i haven't ever thought a lot about 1. but regarding 2, if you are talking about "ideal environment" then
- single parents should not be allowed to adopt
- if a person becomes a widow(er), should their child be taken away [i am not mentioning divorce cases here as you have already mentioned "unavoidable reasons"]?
- should a person be punished with a childless life because of his/her sexual preferences? [what if the person decides to mate with a person of opposite sex just to have a biological child of his/her own [which is commercially possible, i guess] and remains homosexual otherwise]
Pavi,
It is nice to know that you have set up tradition to enjoy Diwali even when you are away from India. May you always have a gala time with your friends.
Now coming to this post :
I agree with you that child has to have congenial atomsphere for growth. But what makes you feel that only a hetrosexual couple can provide that? I am not advocating homsexuality but we have to understand that they are also humans with normal feeling except that their orientation towards sex is different.
No matter how we talk but when it comes to your own biological child we tend to be prejudiced even when adopted one may be more caring towards us.
Persons with different likes can get along well without any extra effort.
Generally it is difficult to get over a trait once you are grown up though not impossible. But if someone repeats it again it is rather advisible to be wary of such person.
A good friend is one who does not hesitate pointing your follies though not in public and helps you to overcome your shortcomings. He or she will stand by you when chips are down but will tell you on your face if you are wrong.
Hope you agree with me or may we have a little discussion on this?
Do visit me if you find time at
o3.indiatimes.com/niceguy251
Take care
Hey Pavi,
Good post again!
- It is indeed a pity that CA banned the law allowing gay marriages. I confronted a friend who voting in favor the ban, and after the discussion, he agreed he made the wrong choice.
- Adoption - I totally support it. If things go my way and my family supports it, I am planning to adopt a child. Doubts will be there, but you have to believe that you will do your best.
- I agree with most comments here. Basics should match - others things are not so necessary. Ofcourse the definitions differ from person to person.
- Trust your instincts and use your experiences!
- True close friends are who accept you the way you are, but also make you realize your shortcomings and make you humble each day. They care for you no matter what, and stick by you through thick and thin. They never lose faith or trust in you. Personally, I look forward to having friends who help me grow and vice versa.
Why ban gay Marriages ? dont gay people have a right to a companion? either ban marriages for every one or give every one a right to marry and i dont think there is any thing wrong with gays or single folk adopting children. it will give that many orphans and homeless kids a shot at a proper life. and some times with both a mother and a father around children grow up to be social menaces. and kids with single parents turn out ideal citizens.
every family should be encouraged to adopt a child. give unfortunate kids a shot at a proper life. Im single and i dont if and when i will get married but i would like to adopt a child when i do. or even if i dont get married.
every one who has been bad in the past is not going to stay that way for ever. but then some people never change.
as for friends i ardently believe that "If you are wrong i will with with you and if you are right i will fight for you" a friend has all the right to speak his or her mind in private.
Gay people have as much right to marriage as any one else. its not fair banning them. same with adopting children, they as well as single people have as much right to adopt a child as any other couple. it will give a kid a life why take that away. any way its no gurantee that children brought up in proper homes will grow up to be model citizens.
In my opinion every family should be encouraged to adopt a child if they can afford it. i would like to adopt a child when i get married.
I believe people are inherently good. they do bad things due to the conditioning they go thru in life but then again some people are inherently bad so its ure judgement weather u want to trust them.
"If you are right, i will fight for you. If you are wrong then i will fight with you " a good friend stands by his or her friends thru right and wrong, good and bad. but they have a right to criticize in private.
New to ur place, but found the post very interesting and very serious questions, cant be replied thru comments:)
Still --gays should not be allowed to adopt, as a child , when he/she will grow up will face many ridicules and challenges and put to unnecessary stress and will hav an babnormal life.
Not necessary to have the sdame like, but it certainly makes for smooth sailing.
I dont think once someone behaved like that, then he will be like that forever, no..it may the opposite person or circumstances also.
A friend in need is a friend indeed, plus I feel that real friend always says the thing that is right for u without worrying about the consequences.
hey, i thought dat i commented on this one sometime back!!!!!
1. for me, it's OK with this law. but abt the situations the child will face when he's growing up? imagine the feelings he'll have abt his frnds in school n neighborhood?
2. if he's in doubt, then there might b something that raised this doubt in him. i advice him(if i can) not to adopt the child, in this case.
3. "such stuff" is jus a catalyst in relationships. there might thousand other catalysts too, which help strengthen a relation.
4. can't answer this. but i think it would b unfair to judge a person by one particular incident
5. i'll go with the former.
--> In today's times where marriages don't last... a mother and a father may not always be around to bring up the child. 2 loving partners are needed... straight or gay
--> He never had any intention of adopting the child.
--> A relationship works out if the 2 people want it to work. Period. Common interests make the friendship easier between 2 people 'coz it gives them common things to do together.
--> No... do not judge a person by his/her past... people change...and love makes people change
--> A good friend is someone who accepts who you are whether she agrees with you or not
@All: Sorry for the much delayed response.
@Harish: Mabbe ur right. But there are many good things which children who live in joint families enjoyed that we who were brought up in nuclear families will never get to experience or learn.
Yes, agreed.I was irked by someone who pointed this out..n that’s why this Q was posted. N that someone did give me the choc n alcohol eg!!
Hmm.ya..mabbe u know
@preeti: Yes, one never knows w/o trying. But these are children we are talking about, not somethings that we can recreate if destroyed. We can’t afford to mess up.
Wavelenght matters…n the rest is upto the individuals in the relationship. I don’t think any1 else should care.
@karma..Hmm,okay
@Ajay : Thanks for dropping in. Will visit u soon. N well, I don’t agree this way or that about this.I’m truly confused,
@ Burf : Valid points. I’m beginning to incline towards allowing gay parents to adopt. No, I don’t have a Q abt whether gay marriages shld be allowed..i think that’s a stupid Q !
So u haven’t come back for other responses?
@Jack : Thanks for ur long response n a special sorry to u for such a delayed response.
-I am beginning to incline more towards allowing gay parents to adopt.
-I appreciate ur honesty.Thanks for admitting the truth
-Yes, I think it depends on individuals involved and should not be generalized.
-Yes n sumtimes one tends to get weary abt giving a 2nd chance…to see if the mistake is repeated.Its not easy to big-hearted always
-Agreed.
I’m going to visit u rite after I respond to all my comments on this post. Promise
@Shachi : Thank You
- The nice part is that ur frend had an open mind to discuss,hear and change his/her opinion.
- All the Best! But pls do think over it practically and discuss it with ur partner a 100 times. It’s a VERY BIG decision.
- I nod my head in agreement for all ur other responses :)
@Vagabond : Welcome to my space.
-I agree gay marriages should not even be a Q…ppl shld learn to live their own lives and let others live thiers
-I am tending to incline towards allowing gays or single parents adopt. Nothing can be better than a homeless kid getting a home.
- To u , I have the same thing that I said to Shachi - All the Best! But pls do think over it practically and discuss it with ur partner a 100 times. It’s a VERY BIG decision.
-Ya, n differentiating is what is hard.
-Agreed
@Renu: Welcome here and I do write light posts.. :)
-I used to think like u do. But reading some of the responses I got for this post as well as after discussing it with a few friends..ive begun to feel differently about it.
-Agreed
-Well u’d see both cases, n the problem is telling the difference
-Agreed
@Satish : This is the 1st time I got ur comment.
-ya, but if one compares the problem uve mentioned vs. a child being homeless…I guess, one can attend to the childs feeling abt having a single/gay parent more easily.
-Rite, i would say the same. N they finally decided to have a child of their own agn and not adopt.
-It eventually depends on the individuals.
-Ur right. I realized that after writing the post.
-Yup.
@Boogerwormie : Welcome to my space.
-I agree…wat matters is love n happiness. I love how u summed it up.
-Hmm..is that a Q?
-It depends on individuals. N common interests sumtimes start an argument ‘coz 2 ppl fight over the ONE thing that they want.
-Agreed
-Agreed
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