Tuesday, April 08, 2008

BEST FRIEND

Blogsphere is talking so much about Friendship and so I decided its time I publish this post that has been in draft forever now!

Let me first start by saying I do not have a Best Friend and take plenty of care to avoid creating that relationship with any of my Friends. Now before u feel sad for me or feel like advising me on why its kinda essential to have atleast one Best Friend, please read on.

As a child..I became really close to this girl in my class. In Class V and VI she and I were best friends. She was a Punjabi, fair n all. N I was a Bangalorean a li’l dark n all. We spent quite sometime together n I really grew close to her. It din’t matter to me that her li’l sis(class I) would walk upto us and tell her “ Didi, mamma told u not to have lunch with the kaali South Indian girl. I’ll tell mummy” . (I guess her mom had something against dark ppl or south Indians)We continued to visit each other’s home and I can’t recollect any bad treatment. N then at the end of class VI , her family moved to Delhi. We exchanged a few letters initially but slowly lost touch. I often wonder how and what Shireen Warickoo is doing. I looked for her on Orkut but in vain.Did she stop writing to me ‘coz she found new friends or did her mom not let her write to me. It used to hurt me for quite a bit then. I had lost my 1st Best Friend!

Class VIII & IX.. I grew really close to “A”. We were so called ‘Best Friends’ I will not mention her name ‘coz im yet in touch with her. We were quite grown up then. It was time for dirty jokes n pranks n loads of masti. In school I was known as “chatter-Box” as I talked endlessly and was an "average" student. My friend A was part of the gang playing pranks and laughing at dirty jokes but she was a “good” student. Her mom was in touch with plenty of the school teachers. School reopened in June and Class IX began. She was behaving a li’l weird; not talking like we always do. On June 9th , she told me that her mom had told her that our LKG teacher (Pam ma’am) had warned aunty to ask A to stop being my friend and hanging out with me as I wasn’t a good girl. I don’t remember if there was an explanation given. But I know I was stumped n hurt that...
- A teacher could b***h about their own students! Pam Ma’am had seen me as a 4 yr old and this is what she was telling mothers about me!
- My friend’s mother thought it appropriate to give her 14 yr old daughter this information
- My “Best Friend” was getting influenced by this information!

For 2 months, we both would walk away from each other, try not looking into each other’s eyes n all that. It really was so hard to do. I recollect having gone home and crying to my ma about it and she asked me to not care about such people. N then on Friendship Day A gave me the most beautiful card ‘Sorry’ card n letter. It was hard not to accept it. We were back to being friends.

Again in Class XII, we both had some problems n this time after several months when we started conversing again. We never went back to what we were, though she was special until about early 2007.

When I started college. I had already lost faith in Best Friends. But there used to be one girl “D” (who I’m in touch with). She n I were good friends. But slowly I realized I couldn’t live upto her expectations. She was extremely possessive of me and was v. insistent about us being Best Friends. She wanted me to keep her posted if I met with any of my other friends and was so jealous about it!We used to fight so often and it used to make me so sad and helpless.It was hard to explain or rationalize things wit her. It is yet so hard!

Now I have a couple of people in my life..who mean the world to me. Among these people there is just 1 girl and the rest all guys. Since my college days I’ve realized it’s so much easier to be friends with a guy! They expect less and that way the relationship remains good. That 1 girl has been one of the pillars that support my life!These people are my dearest friends who I trust! I will not call ‘em my BEST FRIENDS ‘coz I’m scared I’ll lose them the minute I assign that tag!

PS:I have been holding back this post for so long ‘coz I was worried abt hurting some people. If any of u reading this post was that Best friend of mine, pls don’t be hurt. U know, I just said the truth.

36 comments:

rayshma said...

i can understand where u're coming from pavi...
i never had any "best friends" till post grad almost! even then, i found it diff to label anyone as such...
thru college & while working, i had a lot of guy frenz... i also found it easier to remain frenz with guys... but somehow - and i don't know how or when this happened - today, if u ask me for my closest, dearest frenz... it's 3 women and 2 guys. they do mean the world to me. and no, after all these years, i can finally admit it *to myself & to others* and know that this fr'ship won't be harmed.
nice post. straight from the heart... :)

Solitaire said...

Bravo!

I have lots of BEST FRIENDS! So ironical, na?. There can only be one best friend cos the word BEST does suggest better than all the rest. I don't even think that my "best friends" know that this is the term I have given them. I too have lost a lot many "best friends" but God has been gracious enough to send me an angel every time one gets taken away. In my mind, a best friend only suggests to me someone that has been there for me through my bad times and the confidence that I have in the fact that they will always be there for me and vice versa.

Ekta said...

hah!
and whoever said relationships were easy to manage?:-)

Lena said...

i really feel sorry for those people who got influenced by their parents' opinions. Yes, parents want the best for us. But if they were good friends they would fight back and stand up for you.
Nevermind it is the past and it is gone. Important is that you have people you can rely on now and whatever we call them - best friends or not... it just does not matter, right? :)

Anonymous said...

maam u have been unlucky with friends..i guess.... koi nahi..must have been a learning experience....take care

Pavi!!!! said...

@Ray:Touchwood!hope thr friendship continues to be the way u want it to be. n thnx:)

@Sol: I get wat ur saying abt many BEST FRIENDS.I guess thats how it is for most of us.n Touchwood about the angels that come in ur life!
n well its all just a name rite..im just scared to assign the Best Friend tag to my friends but the relationship i share with my friends is i guess that of Best Friends.

@Ekta : I knowwww!hehe

@Lena: Thanks for visiting.
As 14yr olds we probably do get confusesd with wat our parents tell us.n in 2 mths this gurl n I were back to being friends.
I honestly feel my teacher shouldn't have said wat she did..I wasn't some criminal to ask ppl to stay away from me! n also my friend's mom shouldn't have told her daughter wat she heard.She could hv used beter discretion.
'coz as kids, these things really impacted me.
Yes!Touchwood!I have some gr8 friends!

Lena said...

i think you are right about the teacher... she shouldnt have said anything like this. It is great to hear these teenager's worries didnt prevent you from relying on people, trusting them and finding really great friends :)


PS: dont know why you couldnt comment on my blog? Might be some temporary bug. i have only comments moderation enabled but it doesnt prevent usually from commenting :O

Cosmic Joy said...

Now that is a first .. giving due credit to guys !! :)

About your past experiences, all I can say is that let it go. You and your "best" friends were all at a young impressionable age, and it is easy to be led astray.

And always remember, you are your own best friend :)

ceedy said...

Dont fret - those who are not around dont need to be around - and they cant be best....

Like Solitaire's says above - it can only be one.

And second cosmic for not bashing us....

In my case - I too have friends all over the globe - but Best friend that I still have two of em back home - one with me since first standard and the other since sixth....

Also I am in touch with guys I went to Kindergarten with :)

Anonymous said...

So true Pavi! It is easier to be good friends with guys! I am in touch with frens from kindergarten to graduate school, but then only a couple of *close* frens that really matter. And rest would be all *hang-out* frens.

aneri_masi said...

Yep, the tag "best" is sometimes too much to live up to, isn't it? I'll anytime be a "good" friend than try to figure out what will make me the best!

I have been hurt by ppl who say they're my friends. One gal in particular, sorry to say, I don't like her anymore, but I guess I will still help her if she wants me to. Imagine this...she wants to go to an international MBA program, and needs someone with a GC to co-sign her loan papers. (Her bro has it, but she asked me, ok, whatever). I met her one day, to sign the last bit of paper, she was getting married the next day, but did not even think it necessary to tell me. Ok, whatever. I found out about the court marriage from another common friend who was asked if she could get her a license from the court. She did help her out, but was not invited to be a witness! Ok, whatever! She leaves from the US, still has hassles with her paperwork, emails me everyday about it, I fax in whatever she needs, no acknowledgment that she received everything. Ok, whatever. Then she emails me again, from France, can I park my car in your garage for 4 months? I politely tell her no, there's my old furniture in there. But how's everything, college and all? No replies. Ok, whatever! She has a grand wedding in India that our common friend took the pains to go to, she didn't even bother to send us any pictures that are all over Facebook. Ok, whatever! If she needs help again, will she ask me? Hell yeah! Will I help? Hell yeah! Am I stupid? Maybe, or maybe I am just being a good friend. I don't know :(

Anyway, don't know why I am telling this story here, I guess I am just way too upset :)

Keshi said...

hey Pavi plz come n read my reply to ya in my blog.

I didnt receive any comment from u before on that post. Maybe it got lost?

*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

And abt Best Friends..

I wrote the same thing long time ago! I have MANY Best Friends..not just one. Cos I can neva compare 2 ppl's hearts and put one above the other.

Good on ya hun!

Keshi.

Rho Tau GWIS said...

You are right Pavi. The term 'Best Friend' is so overrated!! In these day and age, one is lucky to just have some one who is a good friend. I think 'Best Friend' can come with so many expectations and obligations...

Rho Tau GWIS said...

OMG Aneri...this is awful!! You are too nice!! Seriously, why would you help that person again? You know what they say.."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". I don't mean to upset u Aneri,,i just think you are being taken advantage of and only you can stop that.

Keshi said...

and Pavi dear come n check out my doll :)

Keshi.

Shruti said...

Uh yeah.. sad to lose a friend because someone asked her not to continue.. and that also judgements based on skin colour... I pity such people for the poor life they lead..

Pavi!!!! said...

@Lena : Thank God!I don't get bitter!thats jsut not a quality of mine!
will visit u rite away

@Cosmic : there are so many gurls here who say guys make better friends:)
n blv me..i have let it go..but i can just never forget, however hard i try!
me as my own best friend..now thats an area i have quite a bit of trouble with:|

@Ceedy: haha bashing men..i don't do that much do i? ;-)
n thank god for those friends who have lasted thru life rite?:)

@Sunshine: Same with me.in touch with so many ppl..but close to a handful.

Pavi!!!! said...

@aneri: Pls don feel bad..but that gurl is using u. She doesnt deserve ur friendship.U know this thing that they say about "Giving without expecting anything in Return"..is so easily said and so hard to do!
If ur able to help her, not be bothered that she doesnt do the basic humane things and feel like the better person - go head n do wat u can to help her. But if it bothers u that she is not reciprocating...then stop being nice to her.

Pavi!!!! said...

@Keshi : yes it so hard and so WRONG to compare 2 ppl .
I shall visit u rite away!

@CG : yeah u brought up 2 interesting and true points :
in today's world its becoming harder to find best/ true friends.
n the expectaions and obligations is so hard to live upto. and u cant wish them away!

@Shruti : Thanks for visiting.
its worse 'coz the parents are trying to induce such thots in the child's heads. I don't blame/accuse any of those girls of such stuff, coz they really dint care abt my skin clr or how good a student i was - before deciding to be my friend.

Cinderella said...

This post strikes a chord with me Pavi !!

I dont have any best frens either, and am I glad about it....I guess....

Heck i dont have much frens either, and heck, I dont wanna make any. Too sick of the whole shit called frenship. Its basically crap, when you wanna think out of the whole hanging-out-together-all-the-friigin-time kinda stuff, which ppl consider as frenship....

Glad for you...

Ankur said...

i never understood since my childhood tat wat academics, caste, color and religion has to do with friendhsip...

may be i gathered the attention of many coz i was doing academically well and i do wonder now y i have so many friends...

I can understand how it feels when someone leaves u for caste... whether its a friend or love!!! :|

but dont worry... u will find many soon... just enjoy!!! :)

Cheers!!

durjoy datta said...

it is more funny that tragic!
most of those experiences when ur best frnds were kids with strange moms!!!!
so you can take heart from that...
and the last one?
she proved to be too good a friend....
strange!

Gunjan Aylawadi said...

hey!!
i tell u wat...its not in d name...the feeling is more important!!
i have quite a lot of best frenz:P n i can rely on thm fo diffrnt things!!
im sure the few dat u hav mentioned are ur besties, even if u dnt call em that, they dont mean any less to u!! inne??

kyamaloom said...

Its pretty much the same case here as well. :|

Mez said...

Oh Pavi u must be a gem at herat to even wonder if we wud feel hurt after reading the post. C'mon write bindaas watever u wanna n leave teh rest for us to handle :P

I know what u mean by best frds falliung apart story. I have had ard 3-4 best frds buut i rememb this paricular gal M who was totally crazy about me. So much so that she has made one file esp. for me which had all my pics, card and stuff like that. Almost everday a card for me and u know how kiddish we act in schools. So there she was abso mad about me.

And after we left skool, even though we moved to da same city we were hardly in touch. Now shez in Dubai..not very far off from here...but i get only an sms frm her on bday's...times wen she has not answered my calls or smsmz...so indeed, its kinda hurting to see frds change over time. And yah my so called bestest frd C has gotten even worse than this..

Haha...no best frds are only gud for as long as we are together.

Anonymous said...

best friend s a relative term....and i second solitaire. best friends should be given to very special friend. and thats very rare. isnt it ?

Sukanya said...

aloha Pavi.. howz u?? i can only imagine how u must hv felt. u shud not give much imprtance to school days.. guess all of us are nincompoops in school.

personally i've nvr lost any of my best frnds *touchwood* maybe thts coz i hv only 3 of thm 2 r with me since V..
n ur absolutly 100% correct in sayin tht its easier to b frnds wi guyz..

Keshi said...

me bak Pavi n hey tnxx!

Keshi.

cm chap said...

I appreciate ur blant thoughts on reality of life.... So true.

Pavi!!!! said...

@Cindrella : All these emotions we go thru' is coz' of our experiences. They'll mostly change as we come across new ppl, new environment and changes in our life! Hang in there gurl :)

@Ankur : yeah..u know @ that age..I'm not sure I knew anything abt caste n even my friends din't!
I feel sad for ppl who grow up n decide their friends based on factors like that!
I'm not worried at all..I hv got some of the best ppl in this univererse for Friends :)

@Durjoy : Thanks for visiting. Well this wasn't suppose to be funny or tragic. It was just one of my experiences!
n possesiveness is harmful for rel'p rite?

Pavi!!!! said...

@ Gunj...Rite on! I'm just superstitious abt using the term "Best Friend" . But the role my "Dearest Friends" play is same!

@Sutta : These experiences, help us grow..don't they?!
es.

@Mez: Yes its unfortuante that ppl just move out of ur life...But i've seen that 1 person moves out..therez alwez a new one...yes, we tend to miss the old one...but ive learnt to accept that nothing in life is permanent!

Pavi!!!! said...

@enigma : ur trying to say that Best Friends are special friends..n that they are v.rare? yes...True Friends are rare!

@Knatch: Doin well!How r u?howz preps for xams?
yup..we were such kids in skool. Thankfully im not bitter abt any of that n have moved on in life!
Touchwood! abt ur friends!

@keshi : Welcome back:) visited ur blog already, tho a li'l late!

Pavi!!!! said...

@CM-Chap : Thanks for visiting :) ...n yes its all reality!

Pavi!!!! said...

@Samby : No samby..i've not been unlucky wit frends!
Some of the ppl who are my friends..are clearly the world's best :)

busy-writer said...

hmm, you know, damn weren't you real pissed when the small girl would come up and tell your friend not to talk to you cause of your dusky-ness? Damn, i hate such people who are so biased. Okay fine, the mum's ol n all, so yea, maybe slightly understandable.. but inculcating the same in her 1st std kid?!?!?! atrocious!!! :| the world is sucha sad, narrow minded place. sigh.
and well, so long as you have someone to bank on when things go wrong.. havin "best friends" and havin "friends" wudnt matter.
there are some bonds beyond all that! :)

thanks for droppin by my blog! :)